Bessie’s Boys Chapter Six

Clarence Flippertigibbit found his hiding place under Maria’s dress less than comfortable. The crossing from Spain was hell. The reports of his demise upon the sinking of the Aquamarine Pigeon were greatly exaggerated. To avoid capture by the Spanish Inquisition, Clarence made a perfect swan dive into the Bay of Biscay and floated ashore at the beachfront estate of Senor Vacacabeza. Shortly thereafter Maria found him upon the sands looking like a drowned puppy.
(Author’s note: Good things come to those who wait. Now you know it was Clarence under Maria’s dress and responsible for all of those inappropriate outbursts.)
When Maria sat on the edge of her bed in her private chamber, Clarence took the opportunity to slide under the bed. It was good to stretch his legs. If he craned his head just the right way, he could make out the conversation between Maria and Vacacabeza who Clarence decided had less than honorable intentions towards his ward.
“You look so very lovely, my dear,” Vacacabeza said with a lecherous sigh.
He leaned in for a kiss, but Maria yawned, revealing each and every pearly white tooth in her mouth.
“I can’t look lovely when I’m so tired.” Slowly her Spanish accent became barely comprehensible.
“Could I interest you in a back massage, Maria?” Her guardian nervously reached for her exposed, soft shoulders. “To relax you?”
Clarence twisted his face in disgust. “Dirty old man.”
“Oh no.” Maria smiled innocently. “I’m relaxed enough as it is.”
“Maria, you don’t know what you do to me.”
Clarence made a fist. “If he lifts her dress, I’ll knock him on his ass.”
Before he knew it, Clarence noticed Maria was snoring. It was a healthy snore, he decided, worthy of a pirate on the high seas.
“Caramba!” Vacacabeza muttered in frustration.
Clarence’s snigger was interrupted by a knock at the door.
“Si? Vacacabeza called out.
“It’s me.”
Clarence could not quite make out who was at the door. He did hear steps going to the door, which opened with a slight creak. Another set of steps entered, perhaps a light man, Clarence surmised.
“Shut the door before anyone sees me.”
Clarence strained to understand what the stranger was saying. Maria’s snore was getting worse.
“What’s wrong?” Vacacabeza asked as he shut the door.
Clarence decided the new voice was that of an Englishman, but he could not ascertain anymore.
“Originally I was coming to assure you that everything was fine,” the stranger continued, “but then I spoke to the Queen.
“What could she know?” Vacacabeza asked.
“I don’t know. She made some veiled comment about the Spanish threat.”
“She knows about the invasion!” Vacacabeza exclaimed too loudly.
Clarence’s eyes widened. “Invasion!”
“I don’t know,” the mystery man said.
“The plot to kidnap her on the eve of the invasion? Does Elizabeth know about that?” Vacacabeza persisted.
Clarence’s eyes widened again. “Kidnapping!”
“I don’t know! I don’t know!”
Clarence thought the unknown man was sounding like a parrot.
“All she said was to meet her in her private chambers in thirty minutes to discuss a Spanish threat!”
“Caramba!” was all Vacacabeza could say.
“I suggest you return to Spain immediately and recommend to King Phillip that he dispatch the Armada as soon as possible.”
Clarence Flippertigibbit, as inferred by his name, was as jumpy as a frog. Who was that man speaking to Vacacabeza?

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