The other day coming out from my wife’s radiation treatment at the cancer center we saw a long-time friend we had not seen for a while. We told her about my wife’s breast cancer. Her initial reaction was a heart-felt concern for my wife’s future. We assured her that the treatments had succeeded in eliminating all cancer cells. Our friend, as expected, was relieved.
Since then I have thought how we never considered death an option. We knew this was going to be a rough journey so we gritted our teeth, held hands, and marched right into it. This was an experience we had to endure. But as long as she’s here, my wife is alive and we rejoice in that.
How sad it must be for people who get the diagnosis of cancer and can never look beyond the specter of death. It is even worse for the family and friends who begin their mourning process immediately. Yes, losing a loved one is terrible but don’t dwell on it until it is a certainty and not a possibility.
To protect themselves, some people begin to think of the patient as already being gone. They pull away emotionally and physically. Conversations become devoid of affection and turn monosyllabic. This not only hurts the patient’s outlook and chance for recovery, but it robs every one of the joy of what life any of us have left. I want to have memories of celebrating life, not an unending period of wishing for what used to be.
When the patient does recover, the person who chose to mourn prematurely will have to create a sense of resurrection, which is harder than letting go. Here is a person whom we almost lost but have been blessed to have for more time to love, cherish and learn from.
How sad and lonely to give up a loved one before the battle is lost.