A few minutes later Mina emerged from the bedroom with her hair down and dressed only in her camisole and petticoat. Stretching her arms out sensuously, she ran for the staircase. Van Helsing came through the front door slapping freshly dug dirt from his clothes.
“First I have to carry that stupid steamer trunk, and now I have to dig a grave for a dead vampire. What a vacation this has been. I’ll be lucky if I don’t get a hernia.” He looked up to see Mina on the staircase. Having never seen in in a state of undress before, he squinted, not quite believing his own eyes. “Miss Mina?”
“Yesss?”
He turned his head to examine every corner of the room. “Steam must be escaping from the pipes.” He paused. “No, Dracula said the castle has no pipes.” Van Helsing returned his attention to Mina and pointed. “Then it must be you!”
“Why don’t you go away, Dr. Van Helsing?” she asked menacingly. “You’re not needed here anymore.”
“On the contrary, Miss Mina.” He puffed out his German chest. “I’m needed here more than ever.”
Mina bared her teeth and growled. “Go away while you can.”
“I won’t leave without you and Mr. Harker,” Van Helsing replied smugly wagging his head, “restored to your normal, fuddy duddy British selves.”
Her eyes lit with lust. “Ah, Jonathan. Don’t you think he has gorgeous legs?”
“I’ll bring this disgusting conversation to a rapid conclusion as soon as I can shock you back to normal.”
“And how do you plan to do that?” Mina sneered.
“With my….” Van Helsing reached around for his valise only to discover it wasn’t there. “Now where did I leave that bag?”
Pointing to the valise on the stairs above where she stood, Mina asked, “Do you mean that?”
“Uh oh,” he bumbled his words. “I must have left it there after I used the stake on Salacia.”
“Now isn’t that too bad?” She threw her head back and laughed maniacally.
The professor started up the stairs. “If you will be so kind to step aside I’ll retrieve it.”
“Going somewhere, Dr. Van Helsssing?” She blocked his ascent.
“Out of my way, girl,” he ordered tersely. “I need my valise.”
Mina entered the professor’s personal space in a most inappropriate way. “Don’t you think I have a lithe sensuous body? Don’t you want to touch it?”
“I want my valise. That’s what I want.”
“Come now,” Mina continued seductively. “You can’t be so old you’ve forgotten the touch of a woman’s body.”
Van Helsing pushed her away in defiance. “Do you call that a woman’s body? You’re nothing but a little girl! A woman has curves all over the place. Now that’s a woman!”
“That’s a cow!”
“To each his own. Now if you will step out of my way—“
She obstructed his passage. “I’m sorry, doctor. I can’t do that.”
“Of course you can. It’s a simple matter of putting one foot over there and the other foot beside it.”
“You can’t have your preciousss valissse.” Mina leaned in close to his face.
“You’re spitting in my eye,” he said, trying to control his composure in this awkward situation.
“Sssooo sssorry.”
“Never mind.” Van Helsing could tell from the tone of her voice that Mina wasn’t sorry at all for her rude behavior. He had to forgive her because, after all, she was under Dracula’s spell. “Rather enjoyed it, actually. Now if you will be so kind—“
Mina growled as she lunged with exposed fangs toward the doctor’s neck. With an agility rarely seen in a man his age, Van Helsing jumped out of the way of Mina’s teeth just in time.
“Miss Mina! What are you doing?”
“I’m beginning to find older men irresistible.” She continued to stalk him.
“Control yourself!”
“I don’t want to control myself.” She hastened the hunt.
Van Helsing ran around the sofa. “Please! I’m saving myself for a bar maiden in Munich!”
“Don’t save yourself.” Mina leapt over the sofa. “Surrender to me!”
The conversation was getting personal, and Van Helsing felt compelled to stop in his tracks to make his point. “Germans never surrender!”
Mina threw her arms around his neck and again tried to bite him on the jugular.
“But on occasion we’ve been known to retreat!”
Van Helsing made a desperate dive for the staircase where his valise still sat on a step half way to the second floor. Completely unrestrained of her inhibitions, Mina easily caught up with him, her arms wrapped around his legs. His fingers frantically reached for the valise which lay just beyond his grasp. Without warning, the doctor’s body went limp and his extended hand fell short of its goal.
“Oh no! My heart! My heart!” he gasped. The air seemed to escape Van Helsing’s lungs as he settled into an androgynous lump molded into the staircase.
Mina crawled over his body to scrutinize his face. “Good. He’s dead!” She jumped to her feet to race to the game room. “I must tell the master!”
Mina was halfway across the room when Van Helsing lumbered to his feet. After all, he was getting too old to play Jack in the Box.
“Aha! Fooled you! I am still alive. Germans have always been the best actors in the world!” Grabbing his valise, the professor pulled out a crucifix, goose stepped down the steps and across the room to Mina whom he twirled around so she would be forced to look directly at the crucifix. “Look upon it!”
“No!” She held her hands in front of her face. “Take it away!”
“No, you must look at it,” he insisted. “Down deep you are not afraid of it. I know you. You are a good girl!”
“Away! Away!”
Van Helsing gently pulled her hands from her face. “It represents all you love, your way of life—your love for Mr. Harker, your favorite chapel where you are to be wed, Our Lady of the Perpetual Headache.”
Mina relented to focus on the crucifix until she blinked and her usual naïve smile returned. “What? Our Lady of the Perpetual Headache?”
“Yes,” the doctor agreed with her. “Our Lady of—“
Abruptly she assumed her old Victorian demeanor. “Why, doctor, what a lovely crucifix. I must have one just like it.”
Van Helsing sighed in relief. “Ah, I’m glad you’re back, Miss Mina.”
“Back?” She blinked. “Where have I been?”
“To the dark world of the vampire,” he intoned ominously.
Mina waved her hand dismissively and walked away. “Oh, Dr. Van Helsing, are you still singing that old song? You know as well as I do there are no such things as vampires.” She paused to scratch at two small red punctures on her neck. “But the mosquitoes here are humongous.”
“That is no mosquito bite, Miss Mina,” the doctor corrected her. “It is the bite of the vampire. It is the bite of Count Dracula.”
She laughed. “Count Dracula? Don’t be silly.”
“Can you deny he bit you on the neck?”
“I admit he did kiss me.” She looked wistfully up the stairs. “Gave me my first hickey, to tell the truth. And then everything seems to be a little fuzzy. Oh well, it must have been the wine.”
Van Helsing waved his hand waved his hand at her apparel. “Do you usually prance around in your undergarments after one glass of wine?”
“Of course not!” she retorted. “What makes you say such a thing like that?”
“Look down.”
Mina lowered her eyes to observe that she was clad in a frilly lace camisole and slip. She immediately screamed and ran up the stairs. “Excuse me! I seem to have misplaced something!”