Dracula deftly slid between Mina and the door, closed it and guided her back to the sofa. “Let us leave them alone to their own divertissements.”
Mina seemed adrift in her own thoughts. “If Jonathan had such an interest in acrobatics, I wonder why he went into law instead of the circus?”
The count gently placed Mina on the sofa. As the dust rose and settled back down, Dracula leaned into Mina seductively. “Let’s forget about Mr. Harker.”
“I could never forget Jonathan. He’s my betrothed.”
Dracula took her into his arms and kissed her passionately.
“On the other hand,” she said breathlessly as they separated, “he does seem to be fooling around with your three wives.”
“Exactly. Forget him.” The count kissed her again, longer, harder, deeper.
“The way you kiss. It leaves me gasping for air.”
“And sometimes more than that.” He leaned in for another kiss.
“You know, you’re a terribly attractive man.”
He smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Miss Seward.”
“So aristocratic.”
“Yes, I’ve been told.” Dracula ran his slender pale fingers through his hair.
“If only you could get out in the sun and get a tan. You’d look so much better.”
Abruptly the count stood and stalked away, looking a bit sick at the thought of exposure to the sun’s rays. “No, I don’t think you’d like the way I’d look after being out in the sun.”
“Nonsense!” Mina chirped. “Jonathan looks wonderful. He tans as brown as a berry.”
Desperate to change the subject, Dracula asked, “Would you care to see the rest of my humble home?”
“Thank you, count.” Mina beamed as she stood. “I’d love to.”
He offered his arm, and Mina accepted it as they walked to the staircase. “Perhaps, if it pleases you, you’d consider extending your visit.” A dangerous glint entered his eyes.
“I’d hate to seem rude, but I’d stay only if you allowed me to give your castle a good cleaning.”
Dracula allowed Mina to walk up the steps in front of him, successfully hiding his hand behind him with his fingers crossed. “Of course, anything you say.”
“Oh goody.” Mina clapped her hands. “We can scrub down the walls and floors.” Mina looked down and spied little mounds of dried grayish brown material on the banister. “Just exactly how did this dirt here get in these little clumps?”
“Well,” Dracula replied with great difficulty, “it’s not dirt, Miss Seward.”
Mina bent over to touch it. “What is it?”
The count quickly grabbed her hand to pull her away. “Don’t touch that.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s…well…”he fumbled around for the right word. “It’s…guano.”
“Guano? What’s guano?”
“Um, guano is bat…” Dracula whispered the last word in her ear.
“Ooh, poopy caca.”
If Dracula could blush, he would be definitely blushing at his moment. “How embarrassing,” he mumbled.
“Don’t be,” Mina twittered. “Let’s see, we were talking about sprucing this place up. We can paint and put up wallpaper. I just love prints of little yellow daisies.”
“Of course,” Dracula replied in an insincere tone which Mina should have noticed if she had not been so wrapped up in herself. “And I know just the room where they would look best.”
“Really?” She batted her empty eyes. “Where?”
They reached the landing of the second floor. He extended his arm invitingly down the hall. “Come this way.”
Passing an open door, Mina looked in to see Van Helsing collapsed on top of her trunk in pure exhaustion. “Oh dear,” she said. “Dr. Van Helsing looks just dead.”
“If only he were,” Dracula mumbled.
“What?”
“Never mind.” The count reached the door at the end of the hall and opened the door. “This way to the room I was telling you about.”
“Oh yes. The little yellow daisies.” She looked inside. “Why, Count Dracula, it’s a bedroom.”
“So it is,” he replied as he guided her into the room and closed the door with more of an impact than he intended.
The slam awoke Van Helsing who emitted a loud moan and stood. “I feel terrible. If it weren’t for my rugged German constitution I’d fall over.” He fell over. Groaning, he struggled to his feet. “Where is everyone? I hate talking to myself. Oh well, better make the best of it. I’ll check downstairs.” He began to go down the downs but stopped as he remembered something. “Ah, but not without my valise.”
He returned to the bedroom to retrieve the valise and then descended the steps. As he reached the bottom step, Salacia ran through the game room doors, waving Jonathan’s trousers over her head and giggling. When she saw Van Helsing she hid the trousers behind her back.”
“And what are you trying to hide?” the professor asked.
Salacia hissed like a cat.
Van Helsing cupped an ear and leaned forward. “Pardon. I didn’t catch that.”
“None of your businesses.”
“It most certainly is my business, you brazen hussy.”
“My name is Ssssalacia.”
“Whatever.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “What is behind your back?”
“They’re mine!”
Van Helsing jumped from side to side trying to see behind Salacia’s back, but she jumped around with more athletic skill than the old man. However, the professor feinted to the right but actually went left to see what she was withholding.
“Aha! Just as I thought! Mr. Harker’s trousers!”
“He gave them to me!”
“Liar!”
Salacia hissed again like a cat and leapt toward Van Helsing who quickly opened his valise and pulled out a crucifix. Salacia hissed and cringed as she crept up the stairs. “Get away!”
“I have something else in my valise you’ll just love to see.” He rummaged through his bag. “Hmm, where is it?”
Dracula and Mina left the bedroom and he conducted her across the hallway. He waved his hand across the open expanse of the entry hall. “All this can be yours, Miss Seward. Your slightest whim would be carried out as law. For I am prince here.”
“Prince?” Mina was confused again. “I thought you were a count?”
“Count on it,” he shot back. “I’m a prince.”
At that moment the game room doors flung open. Susie Belle and Claustrophobia pulled Jonathan out.
“Come on, Jonny,” Susie Belle encouraged him.
“Yesss,” Claustrophobia hissed. “We want you with us.”
“No, no,” he resisted. “I’m already spoken for.”
“We don’t care,” Susie Belle cooed. “We want you.”
“You’re sssooo handsssome,” Claustrophobia crooned. “We can’t resist you.”
“Please try,” he begged.
Van Helsing continued to delve into his valise. “Now where did I put that thing?”
Salacia tried to sneak passed him, but he professor stuck his crucifix in her face, causing her to freeze in fear.
“Stay put, bimbo.”
“That’s Sssalacia.”
“Whatever.”
Dracula leaned into Mina. “Become my bride, Miss Seward.”
“That doesn’t seem quite proper.” Her Calvinist values clicked in. “You have three wives already.”
“Let Transylvania engulf you.” He stared intensely into Mina’s eyes. “Let me engulf you.” Dracula brought his cape up and around Mina.
“You can’t get away, Jonny.” Susie Belle pushed him to the floor.
“We have you now.” Claustrophobia sat on his chest as Susie Belle Lowered herself around his head. He was completely enshrouded.
Van Helsing pulled a stake from his valise and held it high. “Found it!”
Salacia sank down, hissing. The professor faced her straight on and plunged the stake into her heart.