Jonathan and Mina in Romantic Transylvania Chapter Three

Upon hearing Van Helsing’s dire prediction for Jonathan’s future, Mina rushed to her fiancé, putting her hands to his face.
“Jonathan dearest! Facing certain death! Doctor, what can I do to help?” She looked deeply into his wild animal eyes. “I love you more than words can express.”
Mina and Jonathan gazed into each other’s eyes for an endearing moment until Jonathan blinked and changed his demeanor into that of a proper English gentleman instead of a vampire animal. Van Helsing smiled knowingly and pointed at Mina.
“You have already done it.”
Jonathan smiled naively. “Why Mina, darling, what are you doing here?”
“We’ve come to bring you home. But you don’t remember greeting me earlier?”
“No. I did? I don’t remember.” He paused to shiver. “Excuse me. This castle is so drafty.”
“I’m afraid it isn’t the castle that’s drafty,” she replied. “It’s you.”
“What do you mean, dearest?”
Mina’s cheeks turned pink. “Look down.”
When Jonathan turned his attention to the floor, he noticed he had no trousers on. Going knock kneed, he screamed like a proper English schoolgirl and ran through the double doors. Dracula went to Mina’s side.
“It is Transylvania,” he explained. It is a land of mystery and romance. Once you cross her borders, you find yourself giving in to your innermost desires and cravings.”
“It almost sounds frightening.” Her voice trembled.
“You shouldn’t be frightened.” Dracula extended his arm around her shoulders. “You should welcome it.”
Van Helsing quickly intercepted Dracula’s advances on Mina by grabbing her arm and pulling her away. “You will not be frightened. I will protect you. And you will not welcome the allures of Transylvania. I will prevent it.”
The three unholy wives ran through the double doors, with Salacia leading the way, waving Jonathan’s trousers over her head. Jonathan scrambled in, chasing them with the fervor of a rugby player.
“Give me my trousers!”
“You have to catch me first!” Salacia shouted.
Jonathan tripped over the sofa. Mina’s instinct was to go to him but Van Helsing pulled her back. Claustrophobia, on the hand, did stopping prancing about to check on the former rugby bench warmer.
“Be careful,” Claustrophobia warned. “We don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
“Yesss!” Susie Belle hissed as she passed by and tried to scratch Jonathan. “We want that pleasure for ourselves!”
Jonathan stood and rushed toward Salacia, pleading, “Give them here! Please!”
“How polite!” Claustrophobia marveled.
“How limp wristed,” Salacia sneered. “I hate weak men!”
He put his hands on his hips. “I make it a practice not to manhandle ladies, but in your case I’ll make an exception!”
Resuming his attack, Jonathan went after Salacia, who threw the trousers to Susie Belle who tossed them to Claustrophobia who successfully lateraled them back to Salacia.
“It looks like they’re playing keep away,” Mina observed. “What an annoying game.”
Waving the pants over her head, Salacia ran back into the game room with Jonathan on her heels. Dracula blocked Susie Belle and Claustrophobia before they could join them.
“Pardon me,” Count Dracula said, “I haven’t introduced my wives.”
Mina glanced at Count Dracula, still curious about his enigmatic background. “Are you sure you’re not a—“
“No, I’m not,” he interrupted, a hint of impatience in his voice. After a deep sigh he resumed his composure. “Remember? This is romantic Transylvania.”
“I assure you,” Van Helsing said, raising a bushy eyebrow. “I won’t forget where we are.”
In an effort to change the subject, Dracula pointed to his wife with the high frilly collar. “This is my newest wife Claustrophobia. We met when I visited Vienna.”
She stepped forward, acting a bit timid, and curtsied. “I was undergoing treatment from Dr. Sigmund Freud. I had a fear of being in enclosed places.” She glanced nervously at Count Dracula.
“I know of Dr. Freud.” Van Helsing nodded with sympathy. “He is a good man. Does he know of your marriage to Count Dracula?”
Nein.” Claustrophobia cleared her throat. “I had my usual 9 a.m. appointment. But the evening before I was to go to his office, as I walked home from work, the count stepped out of the shadows. He looked at me with such piercing eyes, full of fire. I must have blacked out. When I awoke I was on the midnight train to Transylvania, and Count Dracula informed me we had fallen in love and married within a few hours.”
“And once we were home in Transylvania there was no need for doctors,” the count explained.
“I would assume Dr. Freud was disappointed your appointment,” Van Helsing said.
“I’ll say,” she replied quickly. “I hadn’t paid my bill.”
Once again, Dracula saw the need to change the subject. “And this attractive lady is Susie Belle.”
“Susie Belle?” Mina was confused.
“Wanna make somethin’ of it, Meeena?” Susie Belle growled.
“You’ll have to excuse Susie Belle’s manners,” the count interceded. “She is from the American South. I met her on a trip to New Orleans a few years ago.”
Mina turned to wag a finger at Van Helsing. “I knew he had to have visited the colonies. The people there are such a corrupting influence.”
“You say anythin’ bad about Dixie, honey, and I’ll scratch your eyes out.” She lunged toward Mina, her arms extended and her high-glossed fingernails arched for attack.
However, before she could inflict any damage to Mina’s fair complexion, Dracula pulled her away. “Now, now, Susie Belle. These people are our guests.”
Salacia appeared through the double doors, giggling and holding Jonathan’s trousers over her head. Jonathan raced through the game room door pursuing Salacia. They circled the room before heading for the stairs.
“And this swift minx is my first wife Salacia. What an impish sense of humor she has.”

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