The double doors flung open, and out walked Jonathan Harker, a young handsome blond-haired man with his shirt unbuttoned to his navel and wearing no trousers. Three sets of female hands, all wearing matching blackish-purple fingernail polish, reaching around his body and digging in tightly.
“Yesssss?” Jonathan hissed.
Mina glanced about the room as though looking for something. “My, my. Steam’s escaping from your pipes, count.”
“Castle Dracula has no pipes,” he informed her.
“I’m afraid that hissing sound is coming from Mr. Harker, Miss Mina,” Van Helsing added.
Jonathan slinked over to Mina. The three beautiful vampire wives, all dressed in revealing shrouds, followed closely trying to keep their hands on his body.
“How about a kisssss, Meeeeena?” he whispered in her ear, which he promptly began to lick.
Mina took a quick step back, wiping the saliva dripping from her lobe. “I can’t quite put my finger on it, Jonathan, but you’ve changed.”
Her fiancé threw back his head and laughed maniacally. Each wife took turns circling him, her tongue flicking out in an attempt to taste him like a melting ice cream cone. The first, Salacia, moved about with the confidence of being acknowledged as leader of the pack. Her long black hair floated in the night air as though it didn’t care.
“I don’t know what gave you that idea,” Salacia said to Mina with a sneer.
The second wife, Susie Belle, had flaming red hair and lips to match. Upon closer inspection, one could notice she also had red panties, although the grayness of her shroud toned down the color a bit.
“If he’s changed,” Susie spoke in a surprisingly thick Southern accent, “it’s a change for the better.”
The third wife, Claustrophobia, had dishwater blonde hair, and her shroud closed tightly around her neck in frilly ruffles, not uncommon at that time for coffin couture.
“Yessss, we love Jonny just the way he issss.” Her delivery left room to doubt how sincere she was in her debauchery.
Mina squinted to take a better look at Jonathan’s exposed neck which was marked by two distinct, slightly swollen pin pricks in blood red.
“Count Dracula, do you have a problem with mosquitoes in the castle?” she asked.
He shook his head. “This word mosquito, I—“
Van Helsing stood abruptly and charged toward Jonathan. “What do you mean, Miss Mina?”
“I noticed Jonathan has a rather nasty bite on his neck. It it’s a mosquito, it’s of a humongous size.”
“Out of my way, bimbos!” The professor elbowed the wives with such intensity that Salacia fell down.
Mina instinctually rushed to help Salacia to her feet. “Dr. Van Helsing!” she said indignantly. “What an ungracious thing to say! Here, my dear, let me help you up.”
“I’ll see you burn in hell first!” Salacia jeered at Mina and stood quickly on her own accord.
“She’s always had a way with words,” Dracula observed with a chuckle.
Claustrophobia, the one with the shroud color up to her chin, hesitantly stepped forward and spoke in a German accent, “But Salacia shouldn’t be discourteous either. These people are our guests and appear to be nice.” She began to blush, even though vampires tend not to be able to blush because they are, in fact, dead. “Especially the older gentleman with the beard—“
“Claustrophobia!” Salacia snapped. “Shut up and go back to feeling up Jonny!”
“Yes, Salacia,” she whispered, her eyes dutifully turned down to the floor and her hands rubbing Jonathan’s abdomen.
“Don’t you dare interfere with us again, girl,” Salacia warned Mina. She pouted. “I’m not in the mood for fun and games anymore. Come on, girls.” She headed for the game room. Claustrophobia and Susie Belle fell in line behind her.
After they slammed the double doors behind them, Mina’s mouth went agape. “I think I will have a glass of wine. Don’t bother, Count Dracula. I’ll fix it myself.”
A predatory glint entered the vampire’s eyes, and he followed her to the cabinet. “No, Miss Mina, allow me.”
Van Helsing returned his attention to Jonathan, who at this moment was enthralled with the sensation of breathing in and out. However, when the professor pulled back the collar of his loosened shirt, Jonathan pulled away like a wounded animal.
“Keep your filthy hands off me, Van Helssssing!”
“Come, come, Mr. Harker,” the professor spoke in soothing tones. “There is no reason for such unbecoming behavior.”
Jonathan nipped at him and hissed.
“There go the pipes again,” Mina observed while sipping her wine.”
“I told you,” Dracula reminded her, “Castle Dracula has no pipes.”
“Oh yes. Then it must be Jonathan.” She handed the glass to her host. “Thanks so much.” She joined her friends. “Jonathan, dearest, you must see your dentist when we return home. That whistling sound between your teeth makes you sound like a serpent.”
Van Helsing nodded. “An astute observation, Miss Mina.”
“Thank you, doctor.” She smiled at him. “What observation was that?”
“That Mr. Harker here is behaving like a serpent.”
Jonathan slinked past the old man to take his fiancée seductively into his arms. “It’ssss been ssso long ssssince I held you, Meeena. I long for the touch of your body.”
The professor grabbed Jonathan by the mouth, tugging it away so Mina could see the bite marks on Jonathan’s neck, his veins bulging and throbbing. “Tell Miss Mina how you received that bite, Mr. Harker.”
Of course, Jonathan could not reply because Van Helsing’s fingers were stuck in his mouth. He slurred something which was totally unintelligible.
“Don’t mumble!” the German ordered. “Tell Miss Mina those marks are no mosquito bite!”
“Dr. Van Helsing, I believe Jonathan is mumbling because your fingers are in his mouth,” Mina tactfully explained.
“Oh.” He pulled his hand away and wiped the excess saliva on his pants leg. “Now tell her about your bite.”
“I’ll tell you nothing, you worm!”
Mina laughed lightly. “Jonathan, you goose! Dr. Van Helsing isn’t from Worms. He’s from Berlin.”
“Dresden,” he corrected. “But that’s neither here nor there.”
“If it isn’t here or there, then where is it?” Mina was irreparably confused.
Dracula stepped forward to intercede. “What the doctor means, Miss Seward, is that it isn’t important. And I agree. This entire conversation is not important.”
Van Helsing pointed dramatically at the count. “You stay out of this!”
“You must excuse Dr. Van Helsing,” Mina explained. “The long trip has made him irritable.”
“I am irritable,” the professor replied in a huff, “when I see a fine young man like Mr. Harker faced with almost certain death!”