Precisely at four o’clock a string quartet began a minuet in D (Author’s note: or A flat. I admit I have a tin ear) in the palace rose garden. Courtiers gathered around elaborately appointed tables of biscuits, little cakes and finger sandwiches.
Clarence, still hiding under Maria’s dress, thought she was particularly fidgety, perhaps because that lecherous old guardian of hers was lurking somewhere nearby trying to catch a glimpse down the front of her gown. Slightly lifting her hem, he peeked out, noticing they were right next to one of the tables loaded with goodies.
“Toss me a couple of those sandwiches down here,” he whispered.
“No, my guardian is watching me,” she replied in a voice tinged with Spanish disgust.
“Dirty old man,” Clarence muttered.
“He’s stalking someone else now,” Maria continued her running commentary. “Oh my. She has bigger bazingas than I do.”
“Dirty old man.” Clarence cocked his head. He heard a growing round of polite applause. “Has the Queen arrived?”
“She’s coming to this table,” she responded with clipped English syllables.
Clarence could not help himself. He peeked from under Maria’s dress just in time to see Robin break protocol and rush ahead of the Queen to grab at the cakes and sandwiches.
“Care for a cake, Bessie” Robin asked.
Maria stepped forward and asked in most proper English, “Your Majesty, I don’t want to appear rude, but may I speak privately to you?”
“At this very moment?” Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.
“There’s a good reason, I assure you,” the young lady replied.
“We can take our tea to your chambers, Bessie,” Robin offered, trying to be accommodating.
Maria quickly turned on her most Teutonic tenor. “This must be private.”
“Go ahead.” He looked hurt and bit into his cake. “See if I care.”
Elizabeth’s ladies-in-waiting accompanied the Queen and Maria to the royal chambers but did not enter. Elizabeth sat at the head of her conference table and smiled at her guest.
“Now what is this urgent business?”
Clarence slid out from under Maria’s dress, stood and bowed deeply, all in one smooth maneuver.
“Clarence Flippertigibbit! We were told you went down with the Aquamarine Pigeon!” the Queen gasped.
“And I would have if it were not for my excellent swimming skills learned at Eton.”
“Needless to say, I am grateful to Eton.” Elizabeth smiled as she examined Clarence’s trim, toned small frame.
“And this fine young lady found me when I washed ashore in Spain.”
“We are in your debt, Miss Horenhausen.” Her Majesty nodded regally at Maria.
“He looked like a drowned puppy,” she explained in the Spanish style. “How could I not help but come to his assistance?”
Elizabeth wrinkled her brow and asked Clarence, “Couldn’t you have found a more convenient mode of transportation?”
“Oh, it wasn’t so inconvenient,” Maria interrupted, using her English accent. “I’m an excellent horsewoman.”
“Still,” the Queen continued, “it must have been dreadful.”
“Especially after she ate those beans,” Clarence said.
“Yes, well, how quaint. You may return to tea time before Senor Vacacabeza misses you, Miss Horenhausen.”
“Si, your Majesty.” Maria curtsied and left.
Elizabeth leaned toward Clarence. “Tell me, young Flippertigibbit, what news from Spain?
“An impending invasion, my lady,” Clarence announced, sticking out his square jaw, an unusual facial characteristic in a man so diminutive in stature.
She looked away in a private pensive moment. “Then the letter was correct.” The Queen returned her attention to Clarence. “When can we expect the invasion?”
“Sooner than you think, your Majesty, a day to change the course of history!”
“I understand the magnitude of the problem.” Her voice carried a bit of defensiveness. After all, she had lived through quite a large amount of history and knew a problem when she saw one.
Clarence forgot himself and stepped closer to the Queen than was usually deemed proper. “No madam. I tremble within my soul that you do not.”
“You mean the traitor within my court?” she asked with a wry smile.
“How did you know?”
She shrugged. “I have my sources. Do you know his identity?”
“Unfortunately, no.” He bowed his head.
“You must go to Spain, find out who this traitor is and return before the fleet sails for our shores,” Elizabeth commanded as she stood.
“But will I have time?”
“We must have time. Fate has given us nothing else. It must give us time.”
“Nice turn of phrase,” Clarence complimented her. “May I use it sometime?”
“Be my guest.” The Queen wagged a finger at him. “But we do have some time. As long as Vacacabeza is at court, Phillip’s fleet will not sail.”
“Brilliant deduction.” He smiled. “And you didn’t even go to Eton.”
“Don’t rub it in.” She pointed to the door. “Leave tonight.”
“Yes, your Majesty! I shall seize this golden opportunity to uphold the honor of England! My breast fills with unbridled pride that Elizabeth herself, the monarch of the ages—“
“Go!” she commanded impatiently. She had forgotten what a little blowhard Clarence was, but most graduates of Eton were full of themselves.
“I’m out of here! To Spain!” He practically flew to the door, opened it and leaped out.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “I bet my father never had to deal with people like this.”