Previously: Man in the Red Underwear is a pastiche of prose and poetry with hints of parody and a dash of social satire on gender roles and class mores. Cecelia throws a society ball, where former lovers Andy and Bedelia meet. Andy and friends try to stop villain Malcolm Tent. The good guys finally get the goods on Tent. Tent accuses Andy of wearing red underwear.No big deal. Everybody’s wearing red underwear.
“If he isn’t going,” Tent retorted while pointing at Andy, “I’m not going!”
“Oh, yes you are!” Cecelia said as though demanding a recalcitrant child to come to the dinner table.
“Who’s going to make me?” His smirk was most arrogant. You and who else?”
“Oh Billy!” Cecelia swept over to her potential new lover.
“Yes, Lady Chatalot?” Billy’s eyes glowed with mischief.
Tent cast a wary eye toward his henchman and the licentious lady who was whispering in his ear. He looked at Millicent. “Lady Chatalot? What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. Maybe some secret code.”
“I think it’s dirty,” Eddie offered softly.
Billy then grabbed Tent’s arm and twisted it behind his back. “Come along, sir.”
“But Billy!” He sputtered frantically. “I thought you were on my side!”
“She kisses better than you do, sir,” he informed his former boss.
“But, Billy.” Tent was getting really desperate by this point. “You don’t know how I kiss!”
The very thought caused Billy to grimace. “Sorry, sir. I don’t care to find out.”
“Oh dear, Billy, but you may have to go to jail too.” Cecelia went to him and tenderly stroked his filthy cheek. “However, your good deed in bringing Tent to justice may weigh with the judge.”
“That’s all right, Lady Chatalot. It won’t be the first time I’ve been in the slammer.”
Cecelia blew a kiss to Billy as he manhandled Tent out the door. “I’ll be waiting, with canapés.” She followed them to the front door and graciously opened it for them.
Millicent grabbed Eddie by the elbow. “Come on, Eddie. The party’s almost over. Let me walk you home.”
. “No wait. I almost got it.” Eddie was hunched over in a most unseemly manner, still trying to unbutton his pants.
Millicent slapped his hands to make him stop as they walked out the door. “It doesn’t make any difference now.”
“No, really, I almost got it. I swear I got on red underwear. Just like you told me.”
By the time they made their way through the ballroom, Eddie finally unbuttoned his pants and dropped them, only to reveal forest green tights. Very Robin Hood.
A voice in the crowd called out, “Is that guy wearing green underwear? I’ve never seen anything like that before! This is the weirdest party I’ve ever been at! I like it! Let’s be sure to come again next year!”
Back in the library, Bedelia snuggled close to Andy as he pulled up his pants. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“Never!” A rakish grin spread across his face. “You will have to spend the rest of your life begging me.” He paused to kiss her. “And begging.” Another kiss. “And begging.” Yet another kiss.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is the end of the tale of Andy, Bedelia and the rest. If you liked it, please drop a dollar or two in my tip basket above.