Susie Belle was about to follow Dracula into the game room when Van Helsing swung open the front door and entered with confrontation on his mind. He had just had to bury a potential hot lover and he was in no mood for any more vampire foolishness.
“Stop right there, bimbo!” he shouted at her.
She turned and hissed, “The name’s Susie Belle, you old fart!”
“The name’s Van Helsing, you bimbo!”
Susie Belle, having grown up in the American South, was not afraid of anyone or anything. She marched toward the doctor, swinging her ample hips, ready for a fight. “Claustrophobia. What have you done with her?”
“I have given her proper last rites.” He lifted his chin haughtily.
“You mean you killed her!” she retorted in her best J’Acusse style.
“No,” he explained in nonchalance, “Dracula killed her. I gave her the last rites.”
“Just as well.” She shrugged. “I didn’t like the mealy mouthed little old thing anyway.”
Van Helsing’s German blood began to boil. “No, I wouldn’t think you would appreciate anyone as fine as she.”
“Fine?” Susie Belle was close enough to the professor to spit in his eye as she spoke. Vampires had that problem because of the over-sized fang impediment. “She was just a bar maid.”
Slowly taking a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe her saliva from his face, Van Helsing protested in most solemn terms. “Some of the finest ladies I have known have been bar maids.”
“So you had the hots for the silly cow, did you?” She began to circle around Van Helsing to block any attempt at a quick exit through the front door which he had left open.
“And she for me, I am proud to say.”
“Sounds like you two deserved each other.”
He turned to keep Susie Belle in his full range of vision. “Thank you, even though I’m sure you didn’t mean that as a compliment.”
“Sure as hell didn’t.” She smiled as she reached the door and closed it with confidence.
“My hunches are generally correct.” He put his handkerchief away and looked around the room for his valise. Unfortunately he had dropped it on the bottom step of the staircase right before he thrust a stake through Claustrophobia’s heart.
“And what’s your hunch about what’s going to happen next?” Her cat-like body coiled ready to attack the doctor as though he were a mouse about to become her supper.
He tried to inch his way to the staircase. “My hunch is that one of us will not be around to see tomorrow night’s full moon.”
“You got that right, pops.” She lunged for him, but Van Helsing jumped toward the valise and out of her reach.
“I’m pretty nimble for an old fart, aren’t I?”
“Give up! You’re doomed!” Susie Belle was feeling pretty cocky.
He opened the valise to search for another stake. “I seriously doubt that.”
Their intense confrontation was interrupted when Mina ran into the hall, giggling and glancing backwards at Jonathan who was only a few body lengths behind her. Dracula with his cape fully extended followed but he was not fooling anyone. The Prince of Darkness at this point in time was not intimidating anybody.
“Give me your body!” The hint of vampirism coursing through Jonathan’s veins gave his voice new excitement, dare we say, sexual gravitas?
Mina turned dramatically, totally ignoring the professor and Susie Belle. “Take it if you can!”
After throwing her head back and laughing maniacally, she began to run up the stairs, knocking the valise from Van Helsing hands before he had removed the stake. It fell at Jonathan’s feet. He kicked it out of his way as he also bumped the professor to trail his nubile prey.
“Uh oh.” Van Helsing’s confidence went down the toilet.
“Uh oh is right!” Susie Belle gloated. “I’m going to throw that thing a country mile out the door.”
The doctor and the vampires raced for the valise, jouncing against each other and tugging on the other’s arms to knock them off balance. It was almost as good as professional roller-skating, except that one was an out-of-shape old man and the second was a wispy living dead person. And, technically professional roller-skating as it currently is performed did not exist; therefore, nothing at that time could be compared to it. Dracula, meanwhile, tried to sound like he was still in control.
“Miss Seward! Listen to me! Come here!”
Of course, Mina was giggling and making horseplay on the balcony and paid no mind to his commands, which irritated him to no end. Susie Belle finally snatched the valise from Van Helsing’s clutches and waved it over her head.
“I’ve got it!”
The problem with taking a celebratory posture so early in the competition meant she did not have the bag securely in her possession. Van Helsing easily slapped it away.
“No, you don’t” the German scolded her.
The professor’s own moment of glory ended as he realized he had knocked the valise which had slid across the entry hall and became the object of a scramble once again. Dracula chose to ignore their competition and focus on regaining domination over Mina.
“I said come here!”
Mina raced down the stairs, with Jonathan closely behind.
“That’s more like it!” Dracula was triumphant, until the couple knocked him on his ass again as they appeared to be returning to the game room for another round of pinch-ee-poo and other naughty activities.
Susie Belle won round two of snatch the valise against a fumbling Van Helsing who was not used to such strenuous competition. “I have it again!”
Dracula stormed toward the double doors. “When I say come here, I mean come here!”
Carelessly he jostled his only remaining wife. She dropped the bag. As the vivacious English couple disappeared into the game room, Dracula marched in after them. Van Helsing tripped Susie Belle who landed gracelessly on the hard cold stone floor. Grabbing his valice, the professor pinned her shoulders with his knees
“Now I have you!”
She squirmed around, trying to escape. “Get off me, you old fart!
He pulled a stake out and swiftly plunged it into Susie Belle’s heart. She did not take this summary attack upon her person well. The vampire writhed, scream, spat and coughed before her eyes rolled back in her head. Van Helsing stood in triumph.
“Now that’s what I call a stake well done!”
He had but a moment to revel in his victory when he became aware of yet another success. Van Helsing heard Jonathan scream from the game room, not a primal animal scream which of late he had emitted in wanton vampire sexual exultation, but a proper English scream of disgust and shock.
The young man ran into the entry hall and looked back in moral abhorrence. “Mina! Why are you undressed?” Jonathan paused to squint back into the game room. “I didn’t know you had an insy.”
“Mr. Harker!” Van Helsing exclaimed as he rushed to his side, “Thank goodness you’re back to normal!”
Jonathan looked down to see his bare legs and shrieked, mortified at his own lack of suitable attire.
“I have your trousers. I took them away from Salacia when I drove a stake through her heart. I put them in my valise but we don’t have time for you to put them on right now. You must save Miss Mina!
“You mean all that vampire talk is true?” he asked incredulously.
“Yes! Yes! Yes! No get back in there and save Miss Mina from Dracula!”
Jonathan turned toward the game room, lifted his heroic chin, pointed dramatically and ordered in his best melodious baritone, “Unhand that lady, you villain!”
He ran toward the game room but stopped short when Mina, followed closely by Dracula, danced out like a young gazelle.
“Miss Seward! I said come here!” Dracula shouted in uncertain authority.
“I just love playing chassssse!” she hissed with a hint of a giggle.
Jonathan turned sharply to chase them. “Un villain that hand, you lady!”
Mina, Van Helsing and Dracula stared at him. “What?” they asked in unison.
“I mean, unlady that villain, you hand! No, no. Unhand that villain, you lady! No, that’s not right. Un-vil—unhand….”
Van Helsing briskly walked over to slap Jonathan.
“Thank you.” He rubbed his bruised cheek. “Unhand that lady, you villain!”
“Mr. Harker,” the professor corrected him, “technically, Count Dracula doesn’t have his hands on her.”
Dracula leered at them. “Give me time. Miss Seward, come here!”
She turned and shook her firm, unrestrained bosom at him. “And how are you going to make me?”
Jonathan rushed to Mina, grabbed her hand and turned for the front door. “Good for you, Mina. Come, let us flee this unholy place.”
“Burn in hell, you stodgy fool!” She pulled her hand away.
“I’d take offense at that if I didn’t know you weren’t yourself at the moment.” He tried his best not to allow tears well in his awesome azure eyes.
“Mr. Harker, over here,” Van Helsing said in unusually measured tones. “I have a plan.”
As Jonathan joined the doctor, Dracula went to the stairs, turned dramatically and extended a hand to Mina.
“Miss Mina,” he offered in a silky voice, “let us explore the pleasures of my castle together.”
“Since you put it that way….” Mina purred like a kitten in heat and joined him.
Dracula extended his cape and enfolded her with Transylvanian seduction. As they began their ascent to the second floor, Van Helsing and Jonathan completed their secret consultation. The young man pulled away, his face etched in scandal.
“You want me to do what?”
The professor pulled him back into a confidential clutch. Dracula, having survived centuries as a vampire was not without excellent powers of observation. He knew something was being planned to end his control over Mina and perhaps even terminate his reign as the Prince of Darkness.
“This way, my dear. We must hurry. Our time is growing short.” Dracula gently tightened his embrace around Mina.
Jonathan looked up at them, shaking his head. “I don’t think I could do that, doctor.”
“What do you mean? You’ve been doing it most of the evening. Don’t you remember? Try! For Miss Mina’s sake!”
“For Mina,” he resolved. “I’ll try.”