Previously, twin sisters become estranged when one of them does not correct a ballet director’s decision.
Upon La Vieja’s death, she willed the dance school to Nina. Jose became a master electrician and settled down into a satisfying prosperous life. They had two sons. Jorge played soccer and Miguel became a dancer. In the meantime, Nina continued to read stories in the newspapers about Maria’s successful career and her disastrous private life. Maria had several affairs with prominent men, but none of them married her. Maria’s lowest point was a miscarriage of a baby whose father was a local politician who refused to divorce his wife. Nina never shed a tear for her.
The years passed, and Nina took an assistant to demonstrate new steps to her students. Again she read in the papers about her sister when she broke her leg attempting a difficult leap. The ballet company urged her to teach, but she refused and instead retired to concentrate on her oil painting.
When he grew up, Miguel auditioned for the French National Ballet and was accepted. Jorge joined his father’s expanding electrical company.
Over time Nina’s students learned, grew and often returned to thank her for the training and for being like a second mother. Some of them actually became professional dancers, accepted by companies across Europe.
When Nina read Maria had a painting accepted by the national gallery, she only grunted and raised an eyebrow. She told her sons she was too happy being abuela to her own grandchildren to be concerned with her sister. Nina didn’t show any grief when she read Maria died, collapsed on the museum floor in front of her painting.
A few days later she received a phone call from the executive director of the Prado who informed her Maria put in her will that her sister and family be invited to a memorial service at her painting in the gallery. It was Maria’s wish, the director said, for the rope to be removed and for Nina to be the first to observe the painting up close.
“Never.”
Nina was adamant until her husband Jose and her grown sons hugged her and reminded her there was no reward in heaven for holding a grudge. They didn’t knew what the bitterness was, they told her, and that they didn’t want to know what it was. But, they added, her heart would heal if she relented and looked at the painting as her sister wanted. Against her will of steel, Nina conceded to call the museum and agreed to attend the ceremony.
On the day of the event Nina and her family arrived exactly on time. She didn’t want to be early and subject herself to questions that were none of the reporters’ business. With great pomp the museum officials removed the red rope, and the Prado director led Nina to the picture. She looked at it but only saw globs of black and white.
“Mama,” Jorge whispered, “Look at the face of the ballerina. It looks exactly like you.”
“Of course it does,” Nina snapped. “We were twins.”
“No, I’ve lived with that face for forty-five years,” Jose interceded. “That’s you, Nina.”
“Look again, Mama,” Miguel urged. “Look closer.”
As Nina focused on the face she had to admit it was her chin, her nose, her eyes, her mouth. There were the slight differences only a twin could detect. So, yes, it was she as a young ballerina, almost ten feet tall.
Miguel stepped closer to the shadows behind the ballerina. “Mama, look at this.”
Nina stood next to him and saw in varying shades of black, gray and dark blue, other dancers cowering, pulling away. The faces on them were that of Maria. The closest figure to the dancer in the spotlight was definitely Maria on the day of the audition. Her face bared shock, disappointment and shame.
As the spotlight’s glow faded more figures appeared, each of the same dancer, aging in despair the further she went from the star until she was a hunched-over vieja. Many of them cried. Others moaned. Still more pulled at their hair in loneliness and self-loathing. The last figure, in the farthest corner, was a barely detectable body, collapsed on the floor, like a pile of dirty rags.
Nina remembered reading in the morning newspaper that Maria was found with a small can of black paint and a tiny brush in her hand, as though she died applying the final stroke.
“Nina, my chica, will you finally tell us what all this is all about?” Jose asked in tenderness.
“No.” She clinched her jaw. “I have never spoken of it and neither did Maria. In all the interviews, if someone asked her about her audition for the ballet she would leave the room. It said so in the newspapers and magazines. So no, it is a secret we shall both take to our graves. And perhaps in death we may finally forgive each other.”
“But Mama,” Jorge begged. “We are your family. We have always loved you, respected your wishes, and will be by your side when you leave this life.”
“Yes, Mama,” Miguel took up the case. “Don’t you think we deserve to know? After all, we love you more than we can say.”
Nina smiled as her wrinkled face found grace and peace. She waved her shriveled hand across the vast expanse of the canvas.
“You want to know the truth. It’s all right there in front of you. All you have to do is discover what it means.”
Tag Archives: family drama
Portrait of a Ballerina
Nina Carmen de Seguin read in the morning newspaper on the front page that Spain’s greatest prima ballerina Maria Consuelo Rodriguez—her sister—died.
She did not cry.
Nina further read that Maria’s body had been found on the floor of the Prado Museum in front of her classic self-portrait, which Maria previously proclaimed would never be finished. She began the painting early in her career and art critics judged it to be a masterpiece comparable to eighteenth century giants in light and composition. It was of a ballerina in a spotlight, on pointe with her arms outstretched. Behind her were indiscernible dark shapes. Maria eventually conceded to have the painting displayed on the stipulation that no one be allowed to stand closer than thirty feet away from the twelve-by-eight foot oil painting behind a red velvet cord. She also demanded that she be allowed to continue work on it at night and at her discretion. Now that Maria had passed, Prado officials announced the rope would be removed so museum visitors at last could behold the masterpiece up close.
Wadding the newspaper, Nina threw it across the room.
“It’s so like her to remain the center of attention even after death,” she muttered.
Nina hated her sister and had not spoken to her in fifty years since the day they both auditioned for the Spanish National Ballet company. The sisters were twin sixteen-year-olds. They swore to each other that the ultimate dream would be for both of them to chosen. But if only one were selected, the other would be fully supportive. They walked on the stage, holding hands and wearing matching costumes for good luck.
The company director looked grim. “I must tell you now we can only take one of you, even though we have been informed that you are both equally talented. The least mistake may be the deciding factor. I sincerely apologize.”
The girls squeezed hands and smiled at each other with love. Then the music began. Nina and Maria squared their shoulders and extended their arms as though they were wings. Each performed leaps, pirouettes and lunges. At one point they held hands and twirled on pointe, their backs arched and their heads looking up into the heavens. Nina’s heart broke a bit as she noticed Maria lose her balance and waver. They broke the position and went into their final bows.
Holding hands they watched the company director and his staff confer. Finally the director spoke.
“A wonderful performance by both of you. Of course, the stumble at the end ultimately cemented our decision, but we must be blunt. The winning performance was far superior from the very beginning. The one who stumbled never showed the spirit of the winner.”
Nina’s breathing became labored as she realized her dearest dreams were about to come true. The director came to her and gave her a full embrace.
“Do not be discouraged,” he whispered. “You have great technical skills. Please consider opening your own ballet school when you are older and hope someday a dancer you trained will join your sister at the national ballet.”
Nina went numb and lost her ability to speak as the director turned to Maria and shook her hand.
“Congratulations. Your audition shows you will be the greatest ballerina of your generation.”
Nina waited for her sister to correct the director, to tell him she was the one who stumbled. All Maria could do was smile and mumble thank you. Once Nina realized Maria was not going to reveal to the director he had been confused because they were twins, she made a quick exit. When she arrived home Nina informed her mother she was going to live with her aunt in Barcelona. Her mother was caught off guard.
“When?”
“Tonight.
“Call Tia Rosa now, and I’ll be on the next bus to her house.”
Tia Rosa often confided Nina was her favorite niece so she knew her aunt would welcome her. She packed with efficiency and was out the door.
When she arrived in Barcelona, Nina ran and fell into Tia Rosa’s arms. Her aunt never asked the reason for the move. Nina enrolled in the local parochial school so she could finish her education. Then she found a dance studio owned by an elderly woman who in her youth had been in the corps de ballet with the national company.
One day Nina worked up the courage to talk about her past with La Vieja, but the teacher raised her hand.
“All you have to say is that you auditioned for the Ballet Espana. Say nothing more. Be assured you will always be loved here.”
Nina’s family never communicated with her. All Tia Rosa would reveal from the letters she received from her sister, Nina’s mother, was that the family thought she had failed to support her sister Maria. As the years passed Nina was content to have Rosa as her only family. She read the newspapers about the rise of a new ballerina named Maria but never dwelt on the news’ secret meaning to her.
She became too enamored of La Vieja’s handsome grandson Jose de Seguin who was an apprentice electrician. His dark eyes sparkled every time he saw her and refused to kiss her good night until she had danced for him. When they married, she even danced down the aisle to everyone’s delight. Of course, no one from the Madrid family attended, but Nina didn’t mind. Now she had La Vieja as her abuela.
(To be continued)
Remember Chapter Twenty-Five
Previously: Retired teacher Lucinda remembers her favorite student Vernon. Reality interrupts when another boarder Nancy scolds her for talking to her daughter Shirley. Lucinda remembers Vernon decided to marry Nancy but instead was drafted. Her last advice to him was less than kind. She has a vision of Vernon right after he was shot in Vietnam. Troubles of the day overwhelms her and she dreams of a a fire in the boardinghouse.
Bertha knocked at Lucinda’s door. “Lucy? Can I come in? I have to apologize. Lucy?” Coming through the door, she saw the teacher on her bed. The late afternoon sun spotlighted her limp body, her eyes stared blankly at the ceiling. Bertha’s hand flew up to her mouth. “Emma! Cassie! Come here quick!”
Emma and Cassie rushed in. The mother goes over to the bed while the daughter comforted her aunt.
“What on earth is goin’ on here?” Emma peered at Lucinda’s face. “What a stupid look.”
“She’s dead, Emma.” Bertha had trouble forming the words. “I kinda got into a fit with her, just a few minutes ago. The last thing I ever said to her wasn’t very kind.”
“Don’t worry.” Cassie hugged her. “You didn’t know she was goin’ to die.”
“But you should always treat people like you was never goin’ to see them again, so that if the last thing they ever hear in life is from you, it’s somethin’ sweet,” Bertha replied, as though in a revelation.
“Don’t worry about it,” Emma told her sister. “At least she was paid up a month ahead.”
“We better call the hospital,” Cassie said.
“You call the police when you find somebody dead.” Emma spoke with a weary tone. Cassie should already know things like that.
“I never could figure that out,” Cassie muttered as she followed her mother and aunt down the staircase.
Nancy came in the front door but stopped short when she saw the three women coming down the steps. Bertha was wiping tears from her eyes, Cassie shook her head and Emma puffed deeply on her cigarette.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“We jest found Miz Cambridge dead in her room,” Cassie replied.
“Oh no.” Nancy turned to look through the screen door at Shirley who was playing with a couple of neighborhood friends on the front lawn.
“I know you didn’t care for her much,” Emma said bluntly as she went toward the kitchen.
“I’m so sorry.” Nancy put a hand to the screen.
Bertha patted her on the back. “Don’t worry about it none. You didn’t know she was goin’ to drop dead.” She followed her sister down the hall.
“You goin’ to be all right, Nancy?” Cassie wrinkled her brow.
“I guess.”
“Well, if you need us we’ll be in the kitchen callin’ the cops.”
Nancy hurried up the stairs to Lucinda’s room. She didn’t want to go in, but something forced her, perhaps a sense of atonement. Walking over to the bed, Nancy was surprised to see a smile on the old woman’s face. She looked around the room until she found the college yearbook from the year she and Vernon were in school. She picked it up and turned to the page with Vernon’s picture. As she left the room, Vernon’s memory appeared again, as though evoked from dreams long abandoned. Going over to the bed, he tapped Lucinda’s shoulder.
“Mrs. Cambridge?” he whispered.
Lucinda’s eyes fluttered open. “Vernon?”
“Thanks for coming back to save me, Mrs. Cambridge. And thank you for Shirley.” He helped her to her feet.
She looked back on the bed to see her body, the serene smile still on her graying, cold face. “Then I’m dead?”
“Just like me.”
“Then if we’re still here, that means we must be someone else’s memory now.”
“As long as somebody thinks about you, you’re never really gone.”
Lucinda hugged Vernon. “Oh, whoever you are, remember us. Please remember!”
Nancy went out on the porch and called out, “Shirley! Come here!”
Shirley stopped talking with her friends to look at her mother. “What’s wrong?”
Nancy smiled at Shirley’s friends. “You girls need to go home now. Shirley can play later.”
The children walked away, looking back a couple of times. Shirley took each stair with apprehension. Nancy pulled her close, and they sat on the top step.
“Mrs. Cambridge, she’s dead,” Nancy whispered.
“What?”
“She was old, Shirley.” Gentleness entered her voice. “It was her time.” Nancy held up the yearbook and opened it to the right page. “You know that yearbook you wanted to look at? Well, here it is. Let me show you a picture.”
“Vernon Singleberry?” Shirley asked.
“Yes. A very sweet, wonderful man. He looked a whole lot like you.”
Remember Chapter Twenty-Four
Previously: Retired teacher Lucinda remembers her favorite student Vernon. Reality interrupts when another boarder Nancy scolds her for talking to her daughter Shirley. Lucinda remembers Vernon decided to marry Nancy but instead was drafted. Her last advice to him was less than kind. She has a vision of Vernon right after he was shot in Vietnam. Troubles of the day overwhelms her and she dreams of a a fire in the boardinghouse.
Bertha whimpered as the teacher guided her out the door and to the top of the stairs. “Now. You go downstairs and out the front door while I get Cassie!”
“No! Don’t leave me!” Bertha clutched her. “I’ll die if you leave me!”
“You won’t die walking down the stairs and out the front door!”
“If I git confused and go wrong, I’ll walk right into the fire! I’ll die! You must guide me!”
“Very well. But hurry!” Lucinda ordered. The two women walked looked down at their down at their feet with stealth caution as they went down the stairs and out the front door. “Here, now you’re safe on the front lawn.”
“Thank you. I guess I was silly. I could have gotten out by myself.”
“No time for that. I’ve got to go back to get Cassie and Mrs. Lawrence!”
“Oh no! My foolishness cost time!” Bertha rebuked herself, bawling. “They’re already dead! I killed them!
“Oh shut up!” Lucinda went back inside the house and started up the stairs, but Cassie was already limping down.
“So it finally happened. Mommy caught the house on fire. Let’s git out of here!” She clasped Lucinda’s hand. “Come on, Miz Cambridge!”
She stopped as she thought of Emma. “I’ve got to get your mother!”
“Don’t worry about her!” Cassie replied with brutal honesty as she tugged on Lucinda’s hand, dragging her to the bottom of the stairs.
“No! I must save her! Where’s her bedroom?”
“Back by the kitchen.” She pointed down the hall before going through the front door. “I’m gittin’ out of here!”
Lucinda only made it partway down the hall before being repulsed by smoke and overwhelming heat. Flames peeked through the door to the kitchen. She ran back to the front, out the door and down the steps.
“Where’s Emma?” Bertha’s voice overflowed with hysteria. “Where’s my sister? Oh God, she’s dead! My sister’s dead!”
“Oh shut up, Aunt Bertha!” Cassie ordered, She was all out of patience.
Lucinda reached out to hold her hand. “I’m sorry, Cassie. I was too late.”
“I understand.” She looked at the house. “She was probably smoking in bed again. This time she fell asleep and the cigarette must have set the sheets on fire.”
Bertha put her arm around Cassie’s shoulders. “At least we’re all safe.”
“Oh! There is one more person!” Lucinda jumped and ran back up the steps into the house.
“No! Don’t!” Bertha screamed. “You’ll be killed!”
Lucinda barged through the front door and saw that the blazes headed down the hall toward her. She kept her eyes on the steps as she went up the stairs. She yelled, “Vernon! Vernon! Wake up! Fire!”
Rushing into her room, Lucinda went to the bed and jostled the sleeping body. Rolling over, Vernon sat up, looking sleepy and disoriented. But he was young and fresh again, no battle scars, no emotional pain etched his face. To Lucinda, he looked like a lovely angel, unravaged by the harsh realities of life. She heard a crackling, as though the flames were scorching the stairs.
“Hurry! Fire!” A loud pop let them know the wood staircase fractured and collapsed. “Oh my God! The flames are already up the stairs! We’re trapped! What can we do?” She looked at the window and remembered what Cassie told her about the drain pipe. “The window! Quick! Out the window!
Lucinda pulled Vernon from the bed and almost had him out the window when he hesitated.
“Go ahead, Vernon! There’s a drainpipe outside my window! Crawl down it!”
“You go first.” He tried to push her in front of him and out the sill.
“No! Vernon! We don’t have time! The flames are at my door!”
“I’m not leaving without my little girl.”
“Shirley!” Lucinda thought she had escaped with her mother. She turned around to see the little girl in her pajamas, smiling as though unaware of the flames.
“Here I am!” Shirley ran straight to Vernon and hugged him. “Daddy!
Another loud crackle drew Lucinda’s attention to the bedroom door which popped opened from unbearable heat. The blaze, now glaring white with tinges of orange and yellow around the edges advanced on its prey.
“You don’t have time! The fire!” Lucinda urged them through the window.
Vernon and Shirley crawled through, looked back, smiled and each one kissed Lucinda on the cheek. They disappeared down the drain pipe and into the darkness of the night. Lucinda stunned by the kisses, held her cheek and smiled. The withering heat entered her lungs; she felt scorching pain inside her old wrinkled body for only a split second before she collapsed; and the flames overwhelmed her.
Remember Chapter Twenty-Three
Previously: Retired teacher Lucinda remembers her favorite student Vernon. Reality interrupts when another boarder Nancy scolds her for talking to her daughter Shirley. Lucinda remembers Vernon decided to marry Nancy but instead was drafted. Her last advice to him was less than kind. She has a vision of Vernon right after he was shot in Vietnam.
Bertha slammed the bedroom door as she left Lucinda in her rocking chair, looking up with her eyes closed.
“Give me strength.” She sighed. Her head drooped, and Vernon came back into view. Oh. I had almost forgotten about you, Vernon.”
Standing, she went over to Vernon’s body and sank to the floor. Lucinda could not decide if this were actually happening or was some figment torturing her soul. At this point, she did not care. All pretense was swept away and Lucinda felt as though nothing else mattered but reconciling her spirit with Vernon’s. “I’m sorry, Vernon. So, so sorry. I should have said something kind. Something comforting but I didn’t. And do you know why I didn’t? I didn’t because I loved you so much. I loved you in more ways than is decent for a woman my age to love a young man like you.” Her shaking hand ran down the side of his body. “You see, I didn’t like Nancy Meyers just because she lied and cheated in class and because I knew she slept with other boys. I hated her because she could love you the way I never could. And because you loved her. I was wrong. And I drove you away from me. And I don’t think you ever knew. You were so sweet and innocent. You didn’t know how Nancy loved you so little. You were too good for this world, Vernon. Oh, how I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. Oh, how I wish I could make it up to you.”
Lucinda rose and went to her stacks of books. “Maybe there’s something here that I can read to make me feel better.” She picked up a slender, frayed leather-bound volume. “Voltaire. Candide. This is the best of all possible worlds.” She threw it down. “No, this isn’t! This is the worst of all possible worlds!
“Dickens,” she said in a flat tone. “It was the best of times and the worst of times.” Lucinda hurled it at the window, wishing it would disappear into thin air. “No! No! Only the worst!”
Leaning over at the books in the boxes Cassie had brought to her, she lifted another one, this time a paperback. “Cervantes. Don Quixote. Oh, Vernon, you weren’t a knight on a mission for a pure chaste girl. Nancy Meyers wasn’t pure or chaste. Don Quixote was mad.” Instead of throwing it, she just let it slip through her fingers and drop to the floor. “And I’m going mad!”
“I’m sorry, Vernon. I can’t help you.” Lucinda walked toward her bed which seemed to be calling her to one last long slumber. “I don’t know how to help you. I can’t find anything in my books to help you. Or me.” Lying down, she hugged her pillow. “I have to rest now. I have to sleep. To sleep. Perchance to dream.”
Straightaway she went to sleep, her jaw hanging loose. How peaceful, how sublime, her subconscious reveled in the absolute vacuum. The scent of smoke crept into her nostrils, causing her to jerk her eyes open and sit up. Lucinda decided she must have slept for hours because the sun had set, and moonless night engulfed her. She looked down at the floor and squinted. Vernon was no longer there. The stench of rubber, plastic and moldy wood grew stronger.
“What’s that!?” She stood and sniffed several times. “Smoke!! Oh my God!! The house is on fire!!”
Lucinda ran to the door, opened it and walked into the hall which was beginning to fill with smoke. Her first thought was to save Vernon’s little girl Shirley and her mother Nancy. She felt her way down the hall to their room and banged on the door.
“Nancy! Shirley! Fire”
“Fire?” Nancy called out.
“Yes! You’ve got to get Shirley out of there!”
“I’ll get Shirley! You tell the others!” Nancy shouted.
The next door down was Bertha’s room. Lucinda’s fist slammed into the wood. When she did not answer the teacher opened the door and ran to the bed, shaking the old woman. “Bertha! Bertha! Wake up! Wake up! Fire! Fire! You must wake up! The house is on fire!”
Bertha roused slowly, her eyes fluttering open. As she smelled the smoke she jumped from her bed, her eyes wild with panic.
“My God! We’re all goin’ to die! I’m goin’ to burn to death!”
“No, we’re not!” Lucinda took her by the arm to lead her to the door. “The fire isn’t upstairs yet! We have time!”
“I’m goin’ to die!” Bertha screeched, refusing to move an inch. “I’m goin’ to die!”
“Shut up!” Lucinda slapped her. “Move!”
Remember Chapter Twenty-One
Previously: Retired teacher Lucinda remembers her favorite student Vernon. Reality interrupts when another boarder Nancy scolds her for talking to her daughter Shirley. Lucinda remembers Vernon decided to marry Nancy but instead was drafted. Her last advice to him was less than kind. She has another confrontation with Nancy.
Lucinda covered her face with her hands after Nancy left. She could not stand another confrontation. When she opened her eyes, she saw Vernon, dressed in military fatigues and a helmet. He stood in front of her with a blank expression on his face.
“Vernon! I’m so glad you came back. I wanted to—“
Vernon fell forward, revealing the back of his helmet blown apart and a red mess that was once his brain. Lucinda screamed loud and long. Bertha rushed in the door, grabbed Lucinda and hugged her as she dissolved in tears.
“You poor baby!” Bertha cooed. “What’s wrong?”
“There! There! On the floor! Can’t you see him!?” Lucinda pointed to the form only she could see on the floor. “All that blood? The back of his head! Just blown away!”
“You poor thing!” Bertha patted Lucinda’s head. “I didn’t know you suffered from the hysterics too!”
The very thought that she was not always in complete control of her emotions jolted Lucinda back to reality. Taking several deep breaths, she averted her eyes from the vision of Vernon on the floor. The tears finally stopped. “I’m all right now. Thank you, Mrs. Godwin.”
“Thank goodness. I don’t think I’d have the nerve to slap you into calmin’ down.”
“No.” Lucinda forced a smile. “You won’t have to slap me.”
“Jest what on earth happened to make you have a fit like that?”
Lucinda stood, closed her eyes momentarily then walked to her rocker where she sat. “I was remembering a student of mine.”
“Oh, I know what you mean. Young people today.” Bertha’s eyes widened. “I jest don’t know where we went wrong. They’re so disrespectful and—“
“Oh no,” Lucinda interrupted. “This young man wasn’t bad at all.”
“That’s unusual.” Bertha’s eyebrows went up.
“He was sweet and kind. Not the brightest in his class but the hardest working.” Lucinda dared not to look down. “He was the kind of student that made teaching all worthwhile.”
“Well, what about him upset you?”
“I remembered a spring day, near the end of the semester, many years ago.” She decided confession might be good for her soul. “This very special, very wonderful young man came into my office and announced he had been drafted and was going to serve in Vietnam. He was obviously scared.”
“At least he wasn’t of them draft dodgers.”
“He needed me to say something, to make him feel better, not to be scared anymore.” She smiled in remorse. “And all I said was to worry more about driving home that day than dying in war.”
“But that’s true.”
“There is truth, and then there is reality.” Lucinda leaned back in defeat. “He was dead of a mortar blast to the back of the head less than a year later.”
“At least he died for his country.” Bertha persisted in her perky optimism.
“That’s what he said, that he was going to die for his country.” Lucinda had never allowed herself to be so harsh in self-judgment “And all I could say was something trivial, something so heartless.”
Bertha scooted across the bed to be closer to the teacher. “Now don’t you fret about that and make yourself have fits.”
“But it’s hard not to be.”
“I know a woman who had the same thing happen to her, or jest about. Her husband had a heart condition, and they lived right behind their daughter and her family.”
“Bertha! Come here!” Emma’s voice echoed up through the stairwell.
“One day while the wife was mowin’ the lawn — the man couldn’t, you see, because—“
“Shouldn’t you answer your sister?” The last thing Lucinda wanted was to have Emma bursting through her door in an outrage.
“Oh, if she wants me bad enough she can come git me. Anyway, he couldn’t mow, you see, because of his heart, but that day he followed her every step while she mowed. She said that made her nervous.”
“Bertha! Help me move this sofa so I can clean behind it!”
She continued to ignore her sister. “After supper that night he wanted to go through the back gate and visit—“
“Won’t she hurt herself lifting the sofa?”
“Oh no. Emma’s strong as an ox,” She replied with a sneer. “Anyway, he wanted to go through the back gate and visit the kids. Well, she said she was too tired from mowin’ and that they’d go another night. Sure enough, he died of a heart attack that night, and she felt jest terrible ‘cause she didn’t fulfill his last wish.”
“Bertha!” Emma sounded angrier.
“There was the kids—“
“There were the kids.” Lucinda could not help but correct Bertha’s grammar.
“That’s right. There was them kids close and he couldn’t see them one last time because of her. Why, she jest about drove herself nuts thinkin’ about it. One day while I was over havin’ coffee—“
“Bertha! Where are you!?” Emma was on the verge of erupting like Mount Vesuvius and scorching everyone within her grasp.
Bertha went to the door and shouted, “I’m in the teacher’s room calmin’ her down after a fit!”
“I didn’t have a fit.” Lucinda tried not to sound too offended.
“Hold your horses!” She returned to the bed and sat. “Where was I? Oh yes. We was havin’ coffee, and she jest bust out cryin’ and told me how she felt and — I don’t know why I thought of this but I did and I’m so proud — I asked her if she knew her husband was goin’ to die that night.”
“If I git a hernia it’s your fault!” Emma continued her rant from downstairs.
“Oh git a hernia! I don’t care!” There was a rough angry edge to Bertha’s voice. A sweet smile covered her face when she resumed talking to Lucinda. “Anyways, she looked at me funny and said no. Then I said then you didn’t deprive him of that visit on purpose, did you? And she said no. If you had known it was his last night you’d gone to Timbuktu for him, wouldn’t you? She said yes. Well, I told her no one knows when you’re goin’ so you can’t cry over what you might have done if you had known. You know, she agreed and started feelin’ better right off.”
“But, my dear, don’t you think we should always be mindful that what we do today will be with us all our tomorrows?”
Remember Chapter Twenty
Previously: Retired teacher Lucinda remembers her favorite student Vernon. Reality interrupts when another boarder Nancy scolds her for talking to her daughter Shirley. Lucinda remembers Vernon decided to marry Nancy but instead was drafted. Her last advice to him was less than kind. She tries to advise Cassie but she shrugs it off by saying life is what it is.
Shirley sneaked through the door and tiptoed across the rough wooden floor. “Mrs. Cambridge?”
With effort Lucinda sat up. “Shirley, I really don’t think—“
“I know,” the little girl interrupted her, “but I have to ask you something before mama finds me.”
“You should be asking your mother.”
“Mama won’t tell me.” Shirley sat next to her. “Ever since you moved in here after Christmas, mama didn’t like you. It’s almost like you know some terrible secret.”
“Please, Shirley. I don’t think I can take another outburst from your mother. I’m so tired.” She resisted the temptation to recline.
“You know a secret.” A twinkle entered Shirley’s eyes.
Lucinda shrugged. “It’s not really a secret.”
“Please.”
“Yes, it’s a secret.”
“She scooted closer. “It has something to do with me.”
“Yes.”
“And Vernon Singleberry.”
Nancy blew through the door like a Texas tornado. “Shirley!”
“Oh no,” the girl muttered as she slipped from the bed.
“I can’t afford to miss time at the beauty shop, but I will stay home to make you obey me.” She wagged a finger at her daughter. “You were gone ten minutes before one of the customers asked me where you were!”
Shirley walked swiftly to the door. “I’m sorry, Mama.”
“You’ve always been like an angel.” She grabbed her daughter and held her by the shoulders. “But last few days you seem determined to defy me.”
“I’ll never do it again.”
“Thank you. Now wait for me downstairs. I have to have a few words with the teacher woman.”
Before Shirley left she glanced toward Lucinda with apprehension.
“Please don’t attack me again.” Subconsciously the old teacher rubbed her chest. “I’m sick, and I can’t take it.”
“I can’t take it no more either.” Nancy sighed. “We’re moving out tomorrow.”
“I hold no ill will against you.” Lucinda leaned forward, trying to hold back her tears.
“For the past ten years you’ve been watching us, Shirley and me. At the grocery, on the street, in the park. I’ve seen you.”
“I meant nothing by it.” She shook her head.
“Then you move in here.” Nancy pinched her lips and took a couple of steps. “You say it’s because you can’t afford any better, but I don’t believe it. I think you wanted a chance to win your way into my child’s heart. You wanted to hug and pet on her the way you never could have touched Vernon.”
“Maybe you’re right.” Lucinda leaned back in resignation.
“Of course I’m right. That’s why I’m taking Shirley away from you, and I don’t want you to follow.”
“I promise.” She paused, considering whether if she should add a condition to her pledge to stay away. “But you have to tell Shirley the truth about Vernon.”
“The truth? That her mother is a damned fool?” Nancy’s spine slightly buckled in acknowledgement of her own vulnerability.
“We’ve all been fools and made mistakes that left us miserable.” For once, Lucinda did not sound as though she were delivering a lecture in post-modern literature. “If we forget the mistakes then all we have is misery.” She paused and waved in the direction of the door. “Do you want to end your life like Mrs. Lawrence?”
“Hell no.”
She leaned forward. “If you forget Vernon, if you don’t share his memory with Shirley you will. I will stake my life that Mrs. Lawrence did something long ago that she regretted and spent years forgetting. Now she’s just a bitter old woman.”
“I won’t be like her,” Nancy spat back with a stinging denial.
“Even worse,” she whispered, “you could end up like me, a pathetically lonely spinster who only lives for her memories that both comfort and torture her.”
“We’ll be gone tomorrow, and that will be that.” Nancy turned for the door.
“No, it won’t.” Lucinda realized she had difficulty with her breathing.
“Good bye.”
Remember Chapter Eighteen
Previously: Retired teacher Lucinda remembers her favorite student Vernon. Reality interrupts when another boarder Nancy scolds her for talking to her daughter Shirley. Lucinda remembers Vernon decided to marry Nancy but instead was drafted. Her last advice to him was less than kind.
Lucinda opened the door, and Cassie breezed into the room and plopped into the rocking chair. When Lucinda looked around, she saw that Vernon had quickly disappeared, just like he had done on that day in her classroom ten years earlier.
“Oh goody. A rockin’ chair. I jest love rockin’ chairs.”
“What’s the matter, Cassie?” Lucinda asked as she sat on the edge of her bed.
“I jest can’t stand it when Aunt Bertha’s havin’ one of her fits and mommy gits on to her.” The more Cassie talked, the harder Cassie rocked.
“So you’re seeking refuge?”
“Yep.” The rocking became faster and faster.
“From my observations, I’d say Mrs. Godwin is a hysteric.” Lucinda did not mean this in a mean, gossiping way but rather as a cool, detached opinion, as teachers prone to do when they meet new students at the beginning of a school year.
“Yep. Mommy has to slap her to calm her down sometimes. I git mad at mommy all the time, but I don’t git carried away like Aunt Bertha does.”
“Cassie, dear, I know it isn’t any of my business, but what’s going to happen to you after your mother passes away?” Again, she did not mean her question as presumptuous intrusion into another person’s private life but as a means to offer the best, well-considered advice, which is one of the many duties teachers are not taught in college but develop on their own after years of practice.
Cassie stopped in the middle of going backwards and looked at Lucinda without emotion. “Oh, she thinks she’s goin’ to have me put away in some mental hospital somewhere after she dies, but it’s not goin’ to happen.”
“Is that so?”
“Yep. I’ve been to daddy’s lawyer, and he says mommy can’t do that.”
Lucinda wrinkled her brow. “But—“.
“You see, I let the lawyer set up all these tests with psychologists and teachers and stuff to see if there was anythin’ wrong with me, up here,” she said, pointing to her head, “and they all said no.”
“And you haven’t told your mother the results of the tests?”
“Why bother?” Cassie shrugged. “She wouldn’t believe them anyway.”
“I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “I’m confused.”
“You thought I was crazy too.” Cassie smiled and nodded.
“Crazy isn’t the word for it.” Lucinda slipped into teacher mode, as though helping a student find a more appropriate word for an essay. “How can I explain it?”
“Jest spit it out. I’ve heard worse from mommy.”
“Well, for instance, you sometimes act so silly, so much like a small child, you know, about the soup. Not at all like a woman would act.”
“Thirty-seven-year-old woman,” Cassie added. “I talk about silly things like chicken with stars soup because mommy won’t give me a fight over it.”
“Then why don’t you just leave?” Lucinda felt she had lived her life bound by a code of ethics and common sense, and she could not understand Cassie’s apparent insistence in wallowing in her mother’s domination.
“Daddy begged me to stay when he was alive. He said mommy was jest unbearable to be around without me to take up most of her time.”
“Then your father knew—“
“That I wasn’t crazy?” She started rocking again. “Oh sure. Daddy was smart.”
“Then why didn’t you leave after your father died?”
“It would’ve been just too hard to fight mommy over it. I guess she’s a whole lot like Aunt Bertha. She’s a hysteric too.”
“I don’t mean to sound cruel, but doesn’t it make you feel sad, knowing you’ve wasted your life like this?” She told Cassie she did not mean to sound cruel, but, of course, she knew very well it was a cruel question.
“Oh no. I haven’t wasted my life. I made daddy happy. That ain’t no waste. And, in a way, it’s made mommy happy to have me around to fuss and bother with.” She stopped the rocker to beam with pride. “And Nancy lets me baby-sit her little girl while she works. Isn’t Shirley jest a livin’ doll? It’s almost like havin’ my own little girl.”
“I suppose.” Lucinda gazed out the window, at a loss for offering words of insight.
“Mommy won’t live that much longer anyway, and I’ll still have my life to do with as I please.”
“For your sake, I hope you’re right,” she replied with a sigh.
“Oh, I know. I take after mommy’s side of the family, and they all live a long time. Grandma died when she was eighty-eight. Why, mommy and daddy didn’t have me until they were a little bit older than me now.”
“Oh.”
“Of course, mommy ain’t goin’ to live that long because of them cigarettes. And I think all that hate built up inside her is goin’ to cut some years off her life. That’s what her doctor told me, anyway.”
Lucinda considered whether it was proper for her to ask another deeply personal question. She did not pause long enough to consider it as much as she should have. “Why does your mother have all that hatred?”
“Gosh, I don’t know.” Cassie laughed. “She’s been mad about somethin’ ever since I was born.”
“I thought it had to do with your father’s death.”
“Oh no. She fussed daddy into his grave.” She laughed again and slapped the arm of the rocking chair. “Then he became a saint.”
“Did she have unfulfilled ambitions?” Lucinda wished she still had a blackboard on which to write her questions.
“I don’t know.” By her tone, Cassie did not care either.
“She never talks about anything she wished she could have done?”
“No.” Cassie paused to ruminate over the enigma that was her mother. “I always just thought of it as jest the way mommy was. You know, daddy was always a kind of bigger than life man who talked too loud and slapped you on the back too hard and got mad fast but felt guilty longer. And you’re the way you are because that’s jest the way you are.”
Remember Chapter Nine
Previously: Retired college teacher Lucinda remembers her favorite student Vernon. Reality interrupts when another boarder Nancy scolds her for talking to her daughter Shirley. Later she remembers how she tried to teach Vernon how to dance.
“I’m sorry. Dallas is more than neat.” He paused to reflect. “I think exciting is the word I’m looking for.”
“Yes, I’d say Dallas is definitely exciting for a young man out of college.” She sat. “Go ahead.”
“I don’t think I’ll join a Baptist church. You know, I might hunt around for something that isn’t so — Baptist. You know what I mean?”
“Turning your back on your religious heritage is not something to be taken lightly.” Lucinda thought of Nancy and how she would be taking her place at the dance. “Have you talked this over with Nancy? What church does she attend?”
“Heck, I don’t know. And I wouldn’t talk to her about anything like this. She might think I’m — well, some sort of church weirdo. You know?” Vernon looked directly into her eyes with complete sincerity. “I mean, I only talk about personal things like this with you.”
“Why, thank you, Vernon. I hope I always merit your confidence.”
“Miz Cambridge, lunch is ready!” Cassie’s voice boomed from the hallway.
He looked at the door. “That sounds like Cassie Lawrence. That’s right. You said you were living in her mother’s boarding house.” He wrinkled his brow. “I told you Nancy used to live here, didn’t I?”
“Yes, Vernon.” She pursed her lips.
“I drove her home yesterday and asked her to the dance right on the front porch.” He sighed. “I guess Nancy still isn’t here, is she?”
“Hardly anyone is here anymore except Cassie’s aunt and me.”
“I hate to see you living in this firetrap. I hated to see Nancy living in this firetrap.”
“That was ten years ago.” Her eyes twinkled with less-than-funny irony. “It really is a firetrap now.”
“Then why do you live here?” Vernon could not hide the irritation in his voice.
“I can’t afford anything else on my pension. Last December I collapsed in the classroom and was forced to retire. I moved in with my sister, but she died of a heart attack in February. So I moved back in here about four months ago.”
“The one you stayed with during the summer? The one in Galveston?”
“Yes.”
“So she died of a heart attack.” His eyes lit with alarm. “Do heart attacks run in your family?”
“They gallop.” She stood in an effort to end the conversation which had grown too personal for comfort. “I suppose you must go now. Mrs. Lawrence will give me the most withering stare and announce the vittles are cold because the teacher woman tarried too long with her books.”
Vernon stood and headed to the door. “You’re taking good care of yourself, aren’t you?”
“As well as I can on my pension.”
“Well, do what the doctor says.”
“I do.”
The background slowly melted from classroom to bedroom, and Vernon’s voice began fading. “I know this sounds silly. But I want you to live a long time because us memories—“
“We memories.” She was hardly conscious she was verbally editing his speech.
“. . . we memories only live as long as the person who has the memory lives. And I like living in your memory.”
“Why, Vernon, don’t worry. Your memory will live.”
“It will?” he asked with hope.
“Even after I die because of all the other people who have these same memories of this sweet, dear young man. I know your mother has them.”
“Is mama still alive?” he persisted with another question.
“Yes, and I’m sure she visits with her memories of you every day.”
“I wonder what kind of memories Nancy has of me?”
Lucinda turned abruptly. “I wouldn’t know.”
“I guess I better go and let you eat lunch.” He was almost out the door and into the mists of yesterday when he stopped for one last question. “You wouldn’t happen to remember if I had a good time at the dance?”
“If I did I don’t think it would be ethical to tell you.” She knew her reply was evasive, but her emotions would not allow truth.
“Miz Cambridge!” Cassie called out again.
“I’ll see you later.” Vernon’s farewell was hardly audible and when he was finished, Lucinda found herself firmly affixed with her sad present tense.
Remember Chapter Five
Previously: Retired college teacher Lucinda suddenly starts having memories of her favorite student Vernon. He needs help on his first college essay.
“Oh Vernon.” Lucinda sighed. “What a delightful young man.”
Shirley sneaked through the bedroom door, closing it carefully behind her. “Shh!”
“Shirley, your mother made it very clear she doesn’t want you to visit.” Lucinda was in no mood any further outbursts.
“Yeah right.” Shirley had a biting sarcasm unusual for a child of ten. “And she wants me to tell people Warren Beatty is my father.”
“Maybe you should be playing outside.” She smiled bravely. “It’s such a beautiful spring day.”
Shirley walked to the bed and sat on it. “That’s what mama said.” Making a face, she added, “I don’t want to play with those snotty girls.”
“Why?”
She fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “They laugh at mama’s story. They laugh at my name.”
“Shirley is a lovely name.” Lucinda tried to sound encouraging.
“Shirley is an old lady’s name.” She sat up and rolled her eyes. “It’s Warren Beatty’s sister’s name. I feel silly.”
“What name would you like?”
“I don’t know.” She stood and went to Lucinda’s stack of books, picking up the yearbook she held earlier. “Maybe there’s a name in here I’d like.”
“Maybe.” Lucinda’s heart fluttered a bit.
“Who’s that person you wanted me to see?” She flipped through the pages, looking at everything yet nothing in particular.
“Your mother wouldn’t approve.” Her hand slowly went to her chest and moved in a circular fashion.
“Let’s be honest. I love mama, but I don’t think she’s all there — up here.” Shirley pointed to her head. “You know, like Cassie.”
“Please don’t be cruel to your mother and Cassie.” Lucinda sensed a moment of Deja vu. Then she recalled saying the same thing to Vernon just a few moments ago.
“But, really, who’d believe a big movie star like Warren Beatty would have sex with my mama?” Her eyes were wide with a worldly innocence.
“Shirley!”
“There she was, an extra in Bonnie and Clyde, one of a whole lot of girls, and Warren Beatty picks her?” She shook her head. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“I agree. It doesn’t make sense. But she’s still your mother.” Lucinda’s second calling could have been a ma’arm at a finishing school.
“So I have to live a lie just because it makes mama happy?” the little girl cocked her head in a perplexing yet respectful manner.
“Well, no but . . . .” Lucinda’s voice trailed off as she realized she had no good answer for the child.
“Shirley! Shirley!” Nancy’s voice boomed from down the hall.
“Uh oh.” The yearbook slipped from her hands, landing at her feet. Shirley stooped to pick it up when her mother stormed through the door.”
“I told you to go outside and play!”
Shirley slowly straightened. “I was on my out when—“
“The hell you were!” Nancy glanced down and picked up the yearbook. “What the hell is this?”
“Well, I—“
“Damn it! I told you not to look at that!” Nancy threw down the book and whacked her daughter on the bottom.
Lucinda rose from her rocking chair. “There’s no reason to strike the poor child!”
“Stay out of this!” She shoved Shirley toward the door. “Get out of here!”
The little girl scampered down the hall to the bed she shared with her mother, entered and slammed the door shut.
“I know it’s none of my business—“
“You got that damn right.”
“. . . but Shirley deserves to know the truth,” Lucinda persisted.
“Don’t you dare preach at me—“
“I’ve been remembering a very special young man today, Vernon Singleberry,” she said as softly and gently as she could.
Nancy took a menacing step toward the old teacher. “If you ever mention that name in front of Shirley I’ll knock the crap out of you. I don’t care how old you are!” She turned and stormed out of the room, practically knocking over Bertha Godwin, Mrs. Lawrence’s sister.
“Miz Cambridge, may I come in?” Bertha held her hands as her fingers twitched.
“Of course, Mrs. Godwin.” Lucinda sank into her rocking chair.
Bertha entered as though she were approaching a judge’s bench.
“I’m so glad. I know we ain’t talked much, but I’ve always thought you was one of the smartest people I ever met so—“
“Have you ever met anyone who was like a breath of fresh air?” Lucinda had almost retreated back to her classroom, hoping to see Vernon pass through the hall.
“Well, no.” Bertha’s forehead wrinkled. “What I really need is help in makin’ a decision.”
The spell was broken. Bertha had brought her back to the present, and Lucinda decided she must make the best of it. “Of course. What is it?” she asked with a smile.
Bertha looked at the bed. “Do you mind if I take a seat?” Without waiting for a reply Bertha sat and leaned forward to whisper, “The fire marshal came by and told Emma to make some changes.”
Lucinda feared Bertha wanted to place her in the middle of another family argument, and she knew her heart could not stand it. Closing her eyes, she forced herself back ten years to her classroom. She sensed the cold. It was now winter. What encounter would her memory bring forth? Vernon, wearing a heavy winter coat, tromped into the room and dropped his books on a school desk, which caused Lucinda to jump.
“Anything wrong, Miz Cambridge?” Bertha asked.
“That old man! I wish I could kill him!” Vernon growled.
Lucinda looked back and forth between the two and finally focused on Bertha. “Nothing, dear. Go on.
“Well, you’re just about the most perfect person I’ve ever met,” Bertha gushed.
“Daddy did it again! Boy, he thinks I’m so stupid!” Vernon continued his tirade.
“No, Mrs. Godwin, I’m not perfect. Nobody’s perfect. Sometimes — sometimes people like to think they’re perfect, but then things happen to let them know they’re not perfect.” A weight pressed down on her frail shoulders.
“What?” Bertha shook her head.
“Bertha! I told you to clean all the commodes!” Emma screamed from down the hall.
“Oh no. It’s Emma.” She stood and headed for the door.
“If you’re gonna stay under my roof, you’re gonna earn your keep!” Emma’s voice sounded even louder and angrier.
“Oh dear, Mrs. Lawrence is upset,” Lucinda said with apprehension.
“Bertha!” Emma bellowed again.
“I’ve got to go.” When Bertha was at the door she turned back and smiled. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Of course.”
“Bertha!” The last call sounded the scariest.
“Comin’, Emma!”
Lucinda focused her attention back to Vernon and the cold classroom from ten years ago.